PLATFORM
Welcome to MTG2026.org, the only place brave enough to showcase my unfiltered vision for America. While the socialist left is busy pushing infrastructure and healthcare, I’m here to redefine what it means to govern less legislating, more liberating. My platform is built on Constitutional Endurance Training, or as the liberals call it, "police brutality," but I prefer Patriotic Compression Therapy. I believe in upholding law and order, one knee at a time. That’s why I’m introducing the Law Enforcement Valor Act, which reclassifies any physical restraint lasting longer than five minutes as Constitutional Exercise.
And let’s not forget my National Jewish Space Laser Defense Initiative, yes, I said it, and I’m doubling down. My plan, the Freedom Beam Project, will orbit Earth, targeting liberal agendas, burning up climate change hysteria, and zapping any secret child-trafficking tunnels hidden under pizza shops. Add to that my Patriot Power Grid, powered entirely by raw outrage from Fox News viewers, and you’ve got an energy plan that’s as sustainable as it is angry. Who needs solar panels when you have fury and Facebook comment sections?
On education, I’m eliminating liberal indoctrination by replacing public schools with Patriot Prep Academies, where kids will learn the essentials: Reload, Recite, and Resist. Critical Race Theory? Not on my watch. My plan is to teach real American values, like how to build conspiracy theories from scratch and shout louder than your opponent. For healthcare, I propose a simpler solution: Pray More, Complain Less. No more government handouts, just faith, ivermectin, and maybe some apple cider vinegar. And for those worried about border security, I’m taking it a step further with my plan to build a wall around blue states.
We’ll also finally launch Operation Deep State Drain, where we investigate the lizard people that I’ve been saying are embedded in Congress for years. Finally, I’m tackling Big Tech with my Truth or Timeout Act, where every fact-check earns you a Truth Token, three tokens and you get a 24-hour ban on all liberal accounts.
I’m not here to govern; I’m here to liberate America from the shackles of common sense, accountability, and logic. Together, we’ll make America loud, proud, and completely ungovernable, just like God and the Founding Fathers intended.