MEET MARJORIE

My Monument of Emptiness

"Why Govern When You Can Grandstand?"

Number of Bills I’ve Sponsored That Became Law: Zero

- And I’m proud of it. I’m not here to make laws—I’m here to disrupt the system. Why legislate when I can tweet my thoughts directly to the people?

Committee Work: Stripped Away Faster Than Your Liberties Under Biden

- Yeah, they kicked me off my committees. Apparently, calling for violence and ranting about Jewish space lasers wasn’t "professional." Their loss—I never liked meetings anyway.

Infrastructure Improvements in My District: I’m Too Busy Fighting Socialism

- Roads? Bridges? Sidewalks? If it’s not on Fox News, I don’t care. I’m here to stop socialism, not patch potholes.

Efforts to Reduce Gun Violence: I’m Focused on Making Sure You’re Armed to the Teeth

- Gun control? How about more guns? My idea of safety is a rifle rack in every home and bulletproof vests sold at Costco.

Healthcare Solutions Proposed: Just Pray Harder

- I’m not pushing for more government healthcare. My plan is simple: take your vitamins, pray to God, and don’t get sick. If you do, maybe stop being so liberal.

Economic Policy Leadership: I’m Here to Fight Socialism, Not Do Math

- My contribution to economic policy is simple: stop giving money to poor people. If you want a better economy, just work harder. That’s the American Dream.

Bipartisan Cooperation: Not on My Watch

- I didn’t come to Washington to make friends with socialists. If bipartisanship means compromising with the radical left, I’d rather eat glass.

Support for Veterans: I Wave the Flag Pretty Hard

- Sure, I haven’t passed any bills for veterans, but I wave that flag at every rally. You can’t put a price on that kind of patriotism.

Climate Change Initiatives: It’s Called Weather, Folks

- Global warming? More like global whining. I’m not wasting my time on liberal fairy tales. The only green I’m interested in is the color of American money.

Legislation for Education Improvements: I’m Too Busy Banning Woke Books

My focus is keeping Critical Race Theory out of classrooms. Why fund schools when I can just shout at school boards instead?

Leadership During National Crises: Tweet First, Think Later

I don’t need to “lead” during crises. That’s for the weak. My job is to find out who I can blame as loudly as possible.

Major Speeches That Inspired Unity: I’m Here to Inspire Outrage, Not Unity

Unity? That’s just another word for compromise, and I don’t compromise with communists. My speeches are for patriots only.

Response to Constituent Needs: If It’s Not About Hunter Biden, I’m Not Interested

If you want a pothole filled, call a Democrat. If you want a conspiracy theory amplified, I’m your girl.

Historic Legislation Authored: Legislation is for Losers

I didn’t come to Washington to write laws. I came to make noise. And I’m damn good at it.

Impact on American Lives: I’ve Woken Up the Patriots

My biggest accomplishment is giving a voice to those who think Fauci is the Antichrist and the vaccine has a microchip. If that’s not public service, I don’t know what is.